On Crisis, Opportunity and Vulnerability

 

The day after I received the 2nd vaccine, I experienced knee pain that was different than any kind of knee pain I experienced throughout all of my running career. I knew that joint pain could be a vaccine side effect and that energy flows where attention goes. I focused on all the parts of my body that felt well and focused on gratitude that vaccines were the path to ending the pandemic.

"I've had this deep bone knee pain that's worse in my right knee than my left," I told Dr. Lizzie when I presented for last week's appointment." 

"The pain woke me up one night."

"Did it wake you up or was it morning and you woke up with it?"

"No it woke me up in the middle of the night!"

We chatted about the different variables that might be contributory factors to the knee pain and Dr. Lizzie got to work to help release my body's natural capacity to heal. 

We talked about the pandemic and the latest uptick in cases expressing relief so many people we know have been vaccinated and that she kept the pandemic protocol for her office.

When I turned over, a thought bolted through me like lightning.

"Oh my God," I said to Dr. Lizzie. "Look I have goosebumps."

I could feel the phantom pain from polio and trauma coming into my awareness. 

While the vaccine's side effects may have set the joint pain in motion and while the continued joint pain is a sign that my body continues to build antibodies, the recent uptick in cases have turned joy and celebration to caution and conflict has been a trigger to my past.

But what a wondrous opportunity to heal wounds on a deeper level. It's also a time of opportunity for vulnerability, honesty and having difficult conversations around vaccinations and making choices. We talked about being able to unapologetically turn down an invitation if we did not feel comfortable going to a particular event in light of the recent uptick in cases.

I felt wonderful at session's end knowing that out of the crisis of the joint pain, I have a tremendous opportunity to heal on a deeper level mind, body and soul and to have Dr. Lizzie hold that sacred space for me to share whatever is in my heart that affects being able to feel comfortable in my own skin.

"Would you like to buy another package?" Dr. Lizzie asked me as the package I had bought on March 12th, 2020 was finally used up.

She brought out the paperwork.

"Tom and I were talking about this the other night and we do save a lot of money with the package..." My voice trailed off as I got choked up remembering what happened after I bought the last package of 10 sessions. Something that I did countless times without even thinking throughout the past 4 years was now laden with overwhelming emotion.

"You can pay one at a time. You can buy a package of 5. You know that I'd never let it expire with the current conditions. Just tell me what you are most comfortable with."

I was taken aback with my reaction to buying the package. I know that Dr. Lizzie has the utmost professional integrity. As she reopened her office I communicated with her via email asking when the package we purchased in March would expire. She told me that she did not want us coming into Boston if we were not comfortable. She only asked that we kept her updated of when we thought we might return for treatments. As vaccinations increased and infection rates declined, Tom and I set up our appointments. 

As we signed off on the paperwork, Dr. Lizzie said "If you get home and are not comfortable with the purchase, I will give you a full refund and you can pay as you go."

I took a deep breath realizing that it is not March 12th 2020 and we are moving forward in ending the pandemic. Meanwhile, in the midst of this crisis there is opportunity for healing, hope and possibilities and experiencing a new way of being in the world vulnerable, tender, compassionate and kind with ourselves and others. 

Vulnerability

Sharing tears and fears
tearing off veil
revealing true self
fullness of human experience
embraced by unconditional love
acceptance

Courage unbridled by COVID
urgency and hunger
true connection
nowhere and no need to hide

Hard conversations
truth telling
beauty in raw emotions
holding sacred space for each other
tenderness
compassion and kindness prevail 

Undam emotions
flooding heart with love
transforming damnation
forgiveness and gratitude
releasing decades of pent up pain
emerging from shadows of former self

Crisis an opportunity
excitement
exploring
bathing wounds
feel the heal

A brave new world
riding waves
only certainty in uncertainty
lighting the way
companions exploring
emerging
transforming
healing path
paved with Divine Love.

From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Mary

Visit my website to learn more about my journey of transformation in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.

Be sure to listen to my recent conversation with Liz Brunner, award winning journalist, now CEO of Brunner Communications on her podcast Live Your Best Life. I share how I live my best life despite the challenges that I faced at an early age.

For all of my recent appearances, be sure to visit my News and Events tab on my website.

My books to inspire and uplift you are available on Amazon.