A Tale of Two Pandemics

 

I've been focusing on peace in my meditations and as I go about my day. As I cycle through moments of anxiety, I take deep breaths and focus on what I have control over and what I don't have control over. I found myself riding the wild roller coaster of the tale of two pandemics. In Burlington, Vermont people are at crowded bars, dancing the night away and quoted in the news as feeling fearless and free. Their state has the highest vaccination rate and lowest infection rate in the country. Massachusetts is close behind Vermont in its vaccination rate but recently has seen clusters of outbreaks in Provincetown, and Cambridge. There are 5 counties in Massachusetts with high and substantial transmission rates. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updated its masking guidelines on Tuesday, recom-mending vaccinated individuals wear masks indoors where community transmission levels are classified as high or substantial.

I've had to limit my exposure to news stories and am just checking in to see what the latest mandates are for our area. Our family has made the decision to mask up when we are indoors and stocked up on a new supply of masks. While I feel twinges of sadness, anger and frustration when I look at my bookshelf where, for a brief moment in time, there was space with only one mask per person 'just in case',  I know it does not serve me to dwell in the space of "what if they only waited to lift restrictions until more people were vaccinated." There is no going back. We can only go forward as best we know how, once again navigating unknowns and uncertainty in the wacky world of COVID.

I do know for certain that we have taken every measure we can to ensure a healthy lifestyle mind, body and soul focusing especially on our mental health and well-being. Fear and anxiety, and listening to the 'latest' data which are constantly in flux serve only to suppress the immune system. Finger pointing and blame, what if's and if only's wreak havoc with our body's chemistry.

Peace, on the other hand, allows for the production of the body's natural chemistry that is set to bring balance, healing and a strong immune response. While at times it feels as though the weight of the pandemic is bearing down on us again, it is vital to find joy, laughter, lightness and ease in our lives. Even if it is not happening in the moment, imagining those feelings pulls us out of the vortex of darkness in the moment.

I checked my email as I continued to allow this essay to percolate and received this from Telecharge:

 I felt tears well up in my eyes and a lump in my throat as the reality of the pandemic continues to take center stage in our lives.

We decided now is just not the right time to go to the theater in New York. Wearing a mask for two and a half hours just doesn't appeal to us and part of the thrill of going to the theater is experiencing the crush of people waiting in line to get into the theater. We'd have to present a government issued photo ID along with our proof of vaccination. Wearing a mask before dining on deli or eating Italian at Mama Mia's takes the joy out of the New York City experience.

I hearken back to Lin Manuel Miranda's words to Jimmy Fallon when they were celebrating the re-opening of Broadway, "It's all depending right? On vaccinations and whether or not people will feel comfortable returning to the theater."

All of those invitations with printed out google maps for directions to different events are gone from our refrigerator. There are still lots of posts in my news feed of people who are traveling, dining out, going to bars and acting as if the pandemic has ended. We are going to err on the side of caution as a tale of two pandemics continues on focusing on all we have to be grateful for. 

After we cancelled our New York City trip we bought ice cream savoring the taste of summer in New England watching a glorious sunset. We held a space for our sadness and frustration while expressing what we are each grateful for. 

As the scientists try to sift and sort data, and as politicians focus on what to do about the myriad challenges facing us at this time in our history, I am going to focus on being the change.

 Be The Change

 Wildfires raging
 mood as dark as thick smoke
 enveloping all in its path
 virus' variant wreaking havoc
 
 How to stop the carnage?

 Tears from an open heart extinguish hopelessness
 compassion and kindness fan flames of healing
 turn off talking heads
 turn toward each other
 feel the heal.

 Grateful for blessings great and small
 tender moments
 tending to each other's wounds
 beauty of sunsets
 tomatoes ripe on the vine
 savor and appreciate.

Bind broken heartedness
banding together
we are one
powerful to effect change
one action creates ripples
slowly
reversing
damage we once wrought. 

From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Mary

Visit my website to learn more about my journey of transformation in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.

Be sure to listen to my recent conversation with Liz Brunner, award winning journalist, now CEO of Brunner Communications on her podcast Live Your Best Life. I share how I live my best life despite the challenges that I faced at an early age.

For all of my recent appearances, be sure to visit my News and Events tab on my website.

My books to inspire and uplift you are available on Amazon.  

A Booster Shot of Hope

 

It is very unlike me to feel depressed, frustrated, angry and hopeless about what's happening with the pandemic. I let fear take over on Sunday when we were going to go to the beach although it was misting and thought that we'd be back to where we were a year ago. A year ago we were able to adapt to circumstances knowing what precautions to take to keep ourselves and our loved ones healthy. It was challenging but after a few months found a rhythm to life practicing gratitude and optimism feeling hope and faith deep in our hearts.

After we were fully vaccinated, we thought it would be some time before the pandemic was in the rear view mirror but when we received the all clear from the CDC, the White House, and Governor Baker, we breathed a collective sigh of relief. We did not rush out to book a trip that required a plane ride or head indoors to eat at a restaurant but felt wonderful to have that freedom to choose.

We were stopped in our tracks when the news of rising cases and hot spots even in our state of Massachusetts with one of the highest vaccination rates in the country made the headlines among the unvaccinated and there were reports of 'breakthrough' cases.

When the news first broke about the pandemic, I wasn't frightened of becoming ill. I experienced the trauma of being in lock down and seeing the world and our lives come to a screeching halt. I focused on health and well-being. I have total confidence in the vaccines and my immune system but as is true when you're driving in a car, it's the other driver you have to be concerned about ie those who are unvaccinated.

After having a miserable day on Sunday, I focused Monday morning's meditation on turning the tide of my attitude and mindset. I knew that the energy I was putting out was attracting negative posts to my social media news feed and creating an atmosphere of unease in the household. 

After listening to David Hamilton's Tibetan Sound Bowl Meditation, I felt refreshed and decided that I needed a booster shot of hope, optimism and happiness. I asked Ruth Anne if she would like to do our run in South Boston after breakfast. She was thrilled and so was I!

It was a sultry summer's day and it probably wasn't smart of me to push my pace but I needed to get those endorphins kicking and feel my strength and resilience resounding throughout my entire body.

Shortly after we set out on our run, we bumped into one of the members of our L Street Running Club family.

Ruth Anne and I had delightful conversation expressing our gratitude and appreciation for all the good things in our lives. We reflected on perhaps there could have been a slower reopening and removal of the mask mandate but there's no turning back on what is.

A year ago at this time we couldn't go anywhere near South Boston given the high infection rate in the City and would have had to wear a mask if we did. We deeply breathed in the sea air taking special note of summer's beauty.

By the end of our 5K we were soaked with sweat and filled with joy.

My news feed and the news took a noticeable shift. Vaccine mandates are being implemented. There is a lot of peer pressure for vaccination and people are masking up in public. 

My booster shot of hope was working and I was able to turn the tide of feeling hopeful again despite appearances to the contrary.

Turning the Tide

Yesterday so filled with fear stumbling lost my way
clearing out the cobwebs I begin a brand new day.
Hope was buried in the darkness of headlines grim and drear
a shift a change in attitude as close as heart so dear.
Connecting with the Source of all Love must now prevail
a tender touch extending through adversity we can sail.
Though the waters may be rocky we hold still safe inside
Divine with all its wisdom steadily is our guide.

When thinking that the coast is clear and storms come into view
unwavering faith beyond appearances will always see us through.
A GPS a compass to navigate the night
calm the waves of queasiness eradicate all fright.
Standing at the helm of life strength rising from the soul
Creator deep within us current flowing feeling whole.
Rising up to meet all challenges seas will be calm once more
look out to the horizon we’ll make it safely back to shore.

From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Mary

Visit my website to learn more about my journey of transformation in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.

Be sure to listen to my recent conversation with Liz Brunner, award winning journalist, now CEO of Brunner Communications on her podcast Live Your Best Life. I share how I live my best life despite the challenges that I faced at an early age.

For all of my recent appearances, be sure to visit my News and Events tab on my website.

My books to inspire and uplift you are available on Amazon. 

 

On Crisis, Opportunity and Vulnerability

 

The day after I received the 2nd vaccine, I experienced knee pain that was different than any kind of knee pain I experienced throughout all of my running career. I knew that joint pain could be a vaccine side effect and that energy flows where attention goes. I focused on all the parts of my body that felt well and focused on gratitude that vaccines were the path to ending the pandemic.

"I've had this deep bone knee pain that's worse in my right knee than my left," I told Dr. Lizzie when I presented for last week's appointment." 

"The pain woke me up one night."

"Did it wake you up or was it morning and you woke up with it?"

"No it woke me up in the middle of the night!"

We chatted about the different variables that might be contributory factors to the knee pain and Dr. Lizzie got to work to help release my body's natural capacity to heal. 

We talked about the pandemic and the latest uptick in cases expressing relief so many people we know have been vaccinated and that she kept the pandemic protocol for her office.

When I turned over, a thought bolted through me like lightning.

"Oh my God," I said to Dr. Lizzie. "Look I have goosebumps."

I could feel the phantom pain from polio and trauma coming into my awareness. 

While the vaccine's side effects may have set the joint pain in motion and while the continued joint pain is a sign that my body continues to build antibodies, the recent uptick in cases have turned joy and celebration to caution and conflict has been a trigger to my past.

But what a wondrous opportunity to heal wounds on a deeper level. It's also a time of opportunity for vulnerability, honesty and having difficult conversations around vaccinations and making choices. We talked about being able to unapologetically turn down an invitation if we did not feel comfortable going to a particular event in light of the recent uptick in cases.

I felt wonderful at session's end knowing that out of the crisis of the joint pain, I have a tremendous opportunity to heal on a deeper level mind, body and soul and to have Dr. Lizzie hold that sacred space for me to share whatever is in my heart that affects being able to feel comfortable in my own skin.

"Would you like to buy another package?" Dr. Lizzie asked me as the package I had bought on March 12th, 2020 was finally used up.

She brought out the paperwork.

"Tom and I were talking about this the other night and we do save a lot of money with the package..." My voice trailed off as I got choked up remembering what happened after I bought the last package of 10 sessions. Something that I did countless times without even thinking throughout the past 4 years was now laden with overwhelming emotion.

"You can pay one at a time. You can buy a package of 5. You know that I'd never let it expire with the current conditions. Just tell me what you are most comfortable with."

I was taken aback with my reaction to buying the package. I know that Dr. Lizzie has the utmost professional integrity. As she reopened her office I communicated with her via email asking when the package we purchased in March would expire. She told me that she did not want us coming into Boston if we were not comfortable. She only asked that we kept her updated of when we thought we might return for treatments. As vaccinations increased and infection rates declined, Tom and I set up our appointments. 

As we signed off on the paperwork, Dr. Lizzie said "If you get home and are not comfortable with the purchase, I will give you a full refund and you can pay as you go."

I took a deep breath realizing that it is not March 12th 2020 and we are moving forward in ending the pandemic. Meanwhile, in the midst of this crisis there is opportunity for healing, hope and possibilities and experiencing a new way of being in the world vulnerable, tender, compassionate and kind with ourselves and others. 

Vulnerability

Sharing tears and fears
tearing off veil
revealing true self
fullness of human experience
embraced by unconditional love
acceptance

Courage unbridled by COVID
urgency and hunger
true connection
nowhere and no need to hide

Hard conversations
truth telling
beauty in raw emotions
holding sacred space for each other
tenderness
compassion and kindness prevail 

Undam emotions
flooding heart with love
transforming damnation
forgiveness and gratitude
releasing decades of pent up pain
emerging from shadows of former self

Crisis an opportunity
excitement
exploring
bathing wounds
feel the heal

A brave new world
riding waves
only certainty in uncertainty
lighting the way
companions exploring
emerging
transforming
healing path
paved with Divine Love.

From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Mary

Visit my website to learn more about my journey of transformation in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.

Be sure to listen to my recent conversation with Liz Brunner, award winning journalist, now CEO of Brunner Communications on her podcast Live Your Best Life. I share how I live my best life despite the challenges that I faced at an early age.

For all of my recent appearances, be sure to visit my News and Events tab on my website.

My books to inspire and uplift you are available on Amazon.

 

JOMO and the Sweet Spot of Contentment

 

With all that has transpired these past 16 months, finding that sweet spot of contentment with a feeling of inner peace has been a gift; the total grace. We basked in the glow of the setting sun while dining al fresco in our yard. We took walks and discovered new running routes in our neighborhood. We had many moments of contentment being at home, playing board games and brain games, and doing jigsaw puzzles. We delighted in finding new recipes and had many hearty laughs when a recipe did not quite turn out as we had anticipated. We felt blessed and grateful that Tom was able to work from home and Ruth Anne's classes were on line to keep us safe in our bubble. 

We had to adapt to wearing masks, doing only take out, not being able to swim, travel or hang out at the beaches last summer. We tested our mettle running outdoors as long as it was safe and learned how to challenge ourselves despite not having any races. A regular meditation practice focused on peace, ease, acceptance and experiencing comfort within the discomfort. As runners and runners who have run the Boston Marathon, we were able to get through those tough miles.

Emerging from the pandemic, we are faced with making choices about what events to attend. Events that ordinarily we would not give a second thought to now give us pause, especially with an uptick in cases among the unvaccinated due to the Delta variant. Going to my husband's family house for a pool party to celebrate the graduation of the cousin who my twins grew up with would have been a pre-covid no brainer. As I saw the invitation on my refrigerator, I began experiencing a sense of unease about attending the party. Tom, Ruth Anne and I sat down to talk about it.

We received an invitation from one of Ruth Anne's friends for a "See and Sip" to celebrate the birth of her friend's son. They live in California but are returning to her friend's house so that the friends she grew up with can celebrate the baby's birth. On the invitation it states, "Kindly be fully vaccinated if you plan to attend."

My husband's cousin's family has children who are not yet of age to receive the vaccination. We have no way of knowing the vaccination status of the graduate's friends. When the pandemic first hit, my husband's cousin who is the grandmother of the graduate, had posts on her wall about conflicts over masks in her apartment building. We have incredible memories of many holidays spent with my husband's family and during the pandemic reached out to reconnect with them. It's great to share in each other's lives on Facebook but as we talked, we realize a big party is not going to serve us well right now even though we are fully vaccinated. I contracted polio in one of the last polio epidemics at the age of 5. I was fully vaccinated but after playing with my friend, whose mother was not vaccinated, I contracted paralytic polio. In today's lingo, they call it a rare break through case. I believe in living in love and light and not living in fear but I do respect this virus and its variants and want to put myself in situations that will promote health and well-being.

It's easy to have FOMO - a fear of missing out on an afternoon of swimming, eating and reminiscing but recently I saw this:

We could have made up a reason as to why we were not going to attend like Tom had to be on call or his back was bothering him and we couldn't make the trip but we all felt it was important to be truth tellers. We put a graduation card and check in the mail and sent our warmest regards and best wishes.

We will go to the "See and Sip" and also to the 11th Annual Barbara Byrd Memorial Golf Classic to support Voices of Hope Boston that donates all of the funds they raise for cancer research at Mass. General Hospital. It will be a mostly outdoor event where everyone will be fully vaccinated and protocols will be strictly followed to ensure a safe, joyful and successful event. 

We experienced a lot of angst earlier this week. We realized it was the combination of Tom's return to the office one day a week beginning NOW and the conflict we experienced around Saturday's family event. I'm sure the seemingly never ending days of rain did not help.

After a lot of meditation and discussion, we were able to settle down and once again find that sweet spot of contentment which is perfect as we get ready to head into the weekend with the summer's early dismissal on Fridays at 3pm.

Whenever we find ourselves veering off course, we know we can take a breath and trust that we will always return to that sweet spot of contentment and gratitude.

Contentment

When turmoil of world roils
thoughts boiling over
confinement
why
whining
wishing
wanting

STOP

gratitude unlocks door
opens heart
deep breath
transforms complaining

Look around
notes to self
simple pleasures
quiet evening at home
sumptuous summer fruit
sweet fragrance after the rain
reunion hugs
taste of first snowflakes
icicles like diamonds on trees
splendor of autumn leaves.

Piece by piece
weaving together
tapestry of peace and contentment.

From my heart to yours
In health and wellness,
Mary

Visit my website to learn more about my journey of transformation in the wake of paralytic polio and trauma to the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and beyond.

Be sure to listen to my recent conversation with Liz Brunner, award winning journalist, now CEO of Brunner Communications on her podcast Live Your Best Life. I share how I live my best life despite the challenges that I faced at an early age.

For all of my recent appearances, be sure to visit my News and Events tab on my website.

My books to inspire and uplift you are available on Amazon.