On Mother's Day, Father's Day and Mentors

Mother's Day and Father's Day are holidays that I found difficult to navigate even after Tom and I became parents. It took me a very long time to make the shift from grief to gratitude. Every year as we now approach the celebrations of Mother's Day and Father's Day, I take time out to remember and give thanks for those who have been mentors to me throughout my life. Dr. David Hamilton crafted a gratitude meditation for one of his live sessions on his Personal Development Club that guides us to reflect on a person and reflect on reasons why we are grateful for them. The Optimism Institute's founder, Bill Burke reflected on a few of his mentors on his recent, "A Bit of Blue Sky" podcast. He was inspired, as I am by the "Arts Educators Save the World" podcast. This year, I've decided to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day with a blog post. As I write about these amazing people and how they helped me navigate the incredible challenges of childhood paralytic polio, years of abuse at the hands of family members who were addicted to alcohol and prescription pain medication and later Post-Polio Syndrome, a warm glow of tingles pulses through every cell in my body as I reflect on how deeply grateful I feel for the gift of the presence of these amazing individuals in my life.

 

"Miss Holly physical therapist, curly hair and a broad warm smile

it tempered the pain of being apart to walk I'd take awhile."

~Excerpt from "Running the Race" the first poem I wrote after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome

After contracting paralytic polio at the age of 5, I began rehabilitation with Dr. Eugene Moskowitz and his physical therapist, Miss Holly. Before every painful physical therapy session, she lifted me up into the red leather chair in the waiting room. The round mahogany table with a lamp had Dr. Seuss books splayed on top of it. Miss Holly asked me to choose a book. I invariably chose "The Cat In The Hat". She read it to me and told me to pay close attention. She'd help me to hop off the chair and gently escorted me into the the treatment room, removed my ankle to hip metal leg brace and applied hot woolen blankets on my leg using passive movement to coax my muscles and nerves back to health. She was a woman ahead of her time having me respond to her in tandem. "The sun did not shine it was too wet to play," your turn she'd say, "So we sat inside all that cold cold wet day." It distracted me from the intensely painful sessions and planted the seeds for how I would navigate my life after the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome. Here I am 65 years later and I can still see her face and feel her gentle, kind and skillful nature to help me walk again after having been paralyzed by the polio virus.

 

After failed camp experiences that were not conducive to including all abilities in their activities, Dr. Moskowitz, referred me to Badger Sports Camp. Joe Stetz was an Olympic contender in the Butterfly and also had a heart overflowing with kindness and compassion at the tender age of 21. Through the eyes of my 10 year old self, he was tall, dark and handsome, almost god like.

 Several years ago, I reached out to Badger Day Camp letting them know how grateful I am to Joe and for the camp community that left a lasting imprint on my life. I shared with them that, because of Joe and his insistence that I could and would compete in the end of year Butterfly Olympics, I had the courage to take on and finish the 2009 Boston Marathon. There were only two other campers willing to compete in the Butterfly. He knew I had polio but would not let that deter me from competing. He asked me what fears I needed to conquer such as jumping off the starting block and worried that I wouldn't be able to go the distance. He worked with me one on one to ensure my success. He told me to not look to my left or my right but swim my own race in my own lane. When I touched the wall far behind the other two campers, he took my hand, helped me out of the pool and escorted me to the podium where I received my 3rd place plaque. We stayed in touch for several years by letters while he attended Downstate Medical School. He opted to be a doctor rather than compete in the 1964 Olympics. You can read more about Joe in this blog post and how I 'stayed in touch' with him honoring his life and legacy. 

I almost caused an international incident when I took High School French. We had to call the Bibliotheque Francaise in New York City as part of our assignment. They hung up on me when I tried to converse with them in French. But Ms. Barbara Dupres, petite in stature with a huge heart encouraged me to keep working at it. As is true with most who have experienced abuse at home, I was afraid to share anything about what I was experiencing at home but somehow she knew. My study hall period coincided with her free class period. She could have spent the time to recharge or get admin work done but instead she chose to spend that time with me one on one in her classroom during my Senior year. She got me to open up in that safe space about what I endured and what my future plans were. She counseled me. She commuted to Westchester every day to teach at Tuckahoe High School. After graduation, she invited me to meet her "in the City" to help send me off to Boston University. We met at a small cafe where she treated me to lunch and presented me with a going away present: a sewing kit. 

 

It looked similar to this one. She congratulated me with a beautiful card letting me know how proud she was that I was high school valedictorian. Why did she gift me a sewing kit you might ask? She told me that no matter what may get torn apart in life, whatever challenges we face, we always have the opportunity to mend and move forward! I lost touch with her through the years but carried that sewing kit with me until a few years ago when all the thread was used up and the case fell apart.

 

Bernie Siegel,MD or Bernie as he likes to be called became my Bonus Dad in the 1980's. I was hospitalized with a bone infection in my shoulder. My floor nurse, Beth Jordan introduced me to Bernie's work. He's been my coach in my marathon of life and healing on and off the roads. After the diagnosis of Post-Polio Syndrome, I joined his Forum as I embarked on the healing journey of transformation of my life. Bernie was with me every step of every mile as I harnessed the power of the mind/body connection, writing poetry, gratitude, optimism and faith to heal the late effects of paralytic polio and trauma. I send him emails and write tribute poems on his birthday expressing my infinite gratitude for the gift of his presence in my life for the past 40 plus years. 

After a trigger injection to alleviate pain from a disc pressing on a nerve in my cervical spine, Dr. Omar ElAbd referred me to physical therapist, Allison Lamarre Poole. In the Dedication of "Coming Home: A Memoir of Healing, Hope and Possibilities" I wrote:

Allison Lamarre Poole, you refused to treat me “like a polio survivor”. It was with you that I took those first tentative and frightening steps of coming home connecting mind, body and Spirit. You helped me to find my courage to leave my career at the VA. Your words continue to echo in my ears, “You’re going to continue with your program right because you don’t ever want to go back to where you were do you?” 

 

The phrase Allison went above and beyond her role as a physical therapist pales in comparison to the care she provided for me mind, body and soul. She formulated a treatment plan to heal the breach in my mind/body connection, build a strong core and work on overall strength, flexibility and endurance. I remember the day she brought me into a room with a biofeedback machine. She demonstrated to me the stress I was experiencing in my office with typing notes, answering the phone and the poor ergonomics of my work station. We had ordered adaptive equipment through the VA which finally came on my last day! She embraced my gift of poetry. We talked about how the creative process heals. When we were at the biofeedback machine, Allison said that despite all the work we were doing together, as long as I had the stress of work especially the emotional stress of caring for veterans, their families and my colleagues, there would be a limit as to how much progress I could make in treatment. Allison followed her bliss in May of 2007 to be a traveling PT and I followed mine to heal my life. We stay in touch and follow each other's adventures. Allison is in private practice in Maine specializing in women's mid-life transition and pelvic health.  

 

I 'met' Dr. David R. Hamilton when I watched the "Heal" Documentary in 2017. I was drawn to his Scottish accent and passion for the mind/body connection through his work in the pharmaceutical industry. I followed him on Facebook. When he put out the call for stories of people who used visualization in their healing journey, I sent him an email. We became fast friends despite the physical distance between us. I joined his Personal Development Club. He has become a wonderful mentor in my life helping me to navigate COVID, Ruth Anne's health care challenges, celebrating my books and gift of poetry. He asked me to read his manuscripts. He has built an amazing community with the Personal Development Club. He exudes kindness and compassion and is willing to take a deep dive into difficult subjects in his live sessions, such as how to navigate fear and divisiveness. He is a beacon of light in my life and all who are blessed to know him. His books, blogs, on line courses and in person appearances are infused with his tag line: "Better you. Backed by science." 

While my biological parents were unable to fulfill the role as mentors in my life, the challenges I faced from an early age were equaled by the amazing people I was blessed to meet to help me thrive. I celebrate them on Mother's Day and Father's Day. But wait...there's more: "While not a widely recognized national holiday, there are several events dedicated to recognizing the importance of mentors and their impact. National Mentoring Month is celebrated in January, and specific dates within that month, like International Mentoring Day (January 17th) and Thank Your Mentor Day (January 25th), are also recognized. Additionally, there is I Am A Mentor Day on January 7th, and National Mentoring Day on October 27th."

 

From my heart to yours--

In health and wellness - Mary

Visit my website to learn how poetry, optimism, gratitude and the mind/body connection helped me to transform my life. After having been told in December 2006 that I should prepare to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, I went on to cross the finish line of the 2009 Boston Marathon and have many adventures as runnergirl 1953. Be sure to visit the recently updated News and Events Page for links to podcast interviews, speaking engagements and where you can find my incredibly inspirational story.

I was recently the guest on The Optimism Institute Blue Sky Podcast. 
"Mary McManus has never had it easy. As a kindergartner, she was a victim of polio just a short time before the vaccine was introduced. She also faced trauma in her home life but somehow managed to persevere and overcome these and still more obstacles throughout her life. Today, Mary is an inspiring author, poet, motivational speaker, and finisher of the Boston Marathon." Here is the link to the Episode Website. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube.

My books share a powerful message of healing, hope and possibilities; what's possible despite all appearances to the contrary and are available on Bookshop  My 6th book, "Into the Light:Emerging From the 2020 Pandemic" and my 7th book, "A Most Unlikely Runner:Inspiration From The Heart of a Warrior" are selections of the WBZ News Radio Book Club. "Inspiration From The Heart of a Warrior" is also a selection Bill Rodgers Running Center Billy's Bookshelf: Recommended Reads for Every Runner. Visit my Author Page on Amazon for rave reviews.